The following is an essay by Dena Ratner written in response
to a college application question asking her to describe a
challenge she had faced that had made a great impact on her
life. She immediately decided to reflect upon her experiences
on the North Carolina Outward Bound Backpacking and Rock Climbing
Expedition.
July 28
— We left camp at 9:30 this morning and arrived
here at 3:30. In that time we got lost and had to backtrack
up hill for about 30 minutes. Well you see I'm sitting here
under my tarp with the ground slanted and my ankles burning,
thinking about the mileage of growth.
The first words written in my journal for Outward Bound are,
"Even my posture has changed." Life wasn't bad before
the summer of 2001. I had great friends, a supportive family
and a successful academic career. So charmed by adventurous
and romantic books, I desired more than what my linear life
had to offer. All those transcendentalists, hikes in hometown
Asheville and pictures of far off places, prompted my desire
to pop my peripheral bubble and experience what I could from
the world. Although the promise of adventure drew me in, the
main thing about Outward Bound that hooked me was the idea
that I could go out into nature to find out what I'm all about.
Instead of feeling bound by my environment and the expectations
that stifle life, I decided that the best thing for my character
would be to bust outside. It seems so ideal that some people
carry all of their personal belongings and life supplies on
their backs from day to day, but this is where the challenge
comes in. Starting from square one meant reanalyzing my personality
and redefining the limiting boundaries that had been placed
in my mind. Before Outward Bound, I typically placed myself
in the category of shy. I would tell my friends that it took
me about a year to feel comfortable enough around a person
to really 'be myself.' How do you break free of an established
pattern? Get as far away as possible and make changes. Besides
adapting to the lifestyle of 'no deodorant, no showers, no
central heating, no meat,' I also was in a place of no known
friends. Soon though, I felt cozy in my tarp and with my crew.
Every night we discussed how that day might have affected
us. One by one we recounted emotions that might have usually
been quieted.
Somehow hiking six miles a day while carrying a 50 pound
backpack didn't break my back, rather it gave me a spine.
On the last day of my excursion into the wilderness, we had
a personal challenge event. It was an 11 mile run that began
at five in the morning and lasted not quite long enough. Although
I ran track my eighth and ninth grade years, I never enjoyed
running much, because it was just a painful chore. This run
was great though. I began towards the back and made my way
to last place on the first hill. At the top I decided not
to stop running, and so I didn't. At first my slow jog kept
me at the pace of the girls in front of me who would walk
and then run to keep ahead. Somewhere in there I passed them.
My feet fell asleep, but my mind awakened. I encouraged those
consumed by pain and made conversation with fellow runners
who I might never have gotten a chance to meet. I have never
been more proud of myself in my whole life.
The first time I rock climbed I couldn't help but cry; for
fear that I might fall, for shame that it didn't come naturally.
When I came down, all I wanted to do was conquer the rock.
After receiving hugs from my tarp mates, I went up the rock
for the second time. From the top, I saw, for the first time
since going out into the wilderness, the world from another
perspective. We had been shaded by trees, and now, viewing
the panoramic landscape, I marveled at it all. For the first
time, I was an optimist. The day before I set out into the
wilderness I had asked my parents, "What did I get myself
into?" Now I look back with no regrets, and I realize
that my capabilities are not even bounded by expectation.
This is the hope I bring to the college experience: In venturing
off into the unknown, there becomes a vast expanse of unlimited
possibility.
Aug 5
— I am here in my bed-My pillow cushioning
my back. Today I went to run a mile down to the fire station
and back-but I walked instead. I forgot how much each step
hurts, yet I do admit that I have something in my possession
that cannot be washed away or covered up with deodorant. The
Fact That I Did It! I trekked approximately 45 miles in two
weeks. I rock climbed 900 feet in one day. I lived in and
took part in the wilderness, in the growth and understanding
of my self and my new mates. I feel like little was wasted
out there. Here I am clustered. I am torn, because I haven't
seen all that I am here-and my friends-I am not drawn to their
games. The forest is hard. It feels like petrified wood in
my calves when I walk through it. My body begs me and my eyes
see little but the ground to be tread by my feet. My Spirit-Flows
like fire into fountains and broadcasts my name-Dena, Is Outward
Bound.
