I attended the Colorado Outward Bound School in August, 1999,
and took the one week self-renewal course, which was just
prior to my 40th birthday.
I came to the course with many, many reservations and an
abundance of fear. I knew this was going to be a trip of self-discovery,
but had no clue as to how dramatically it would change my
life.
I have lived a life that was not totally fulfilling, and
oftentimes I was immobilized by fear and guilt, much of which
was developed during an extremely chaotic childhood laden
with neglect and poverty, divorce, deception, etc. Certainly,
nothing extreme, but which helped to form the person I had
become.
Once at COBS, and realizing the full-force of what I had
gotten into, which was immediate the first day on the ropes
course, I began to see just how immobilizing my fear and guilt
had become. Overcoming my fear of heights, which began with
the ropes course, had such an empowering effect that the rest
of the week seemed like a cakewalk in comparison.
I have to say though that the inspiration and spirit of my
guides, Andy Maeding and Karen Lapides got me through this
course. Karen specifically helped me to see just how crippling
my fear had become, she inspired me to not give up, to dig
deep within my self for the self-confidence and will to succeed.
I will be forever grateful for her words that inspire me to
this day. She is the epitome of what every woman should aspire
to: strength, dignity, self-reliance and compassion.
Throughout the course it was emphasized it may take a while
for the full effect of the course to be realized in our every
day lives. Over the course of this past year, I have faced
many fears, and have come to realize that I was only able
to do this because of my COBS experience. More specifically,
I have become a better mother, I recently agreed to let my
12 year-old daughter move 7 1/2 hours away to live with her
father, because both her father and she have always wanted
to have the opportunity and I finally was able to let go of
my fear of losing her, fear of what people would say, etc.
Putting their needs above my own, and realizing that it was
a fair and equitable thing to do, helped to make the decision.
Without my COBS experience I would never had been able to
make such a difficult decision. I feel extremely happy about
the decision and relieved of many years of guilt re: divorce
and distance.
I have also developed a backbone and found a voice that I
never knew I had, which has affected all the relationships
in my life, including relationships with money, friends/family
and work relationships as well. In essence, I have found the
courage to be who I am.
I look forward to the future and am excited everyday about
how my life is changing, especially the fact in May 2001,
I will again be changing my life, getting a Master's Degree
and moving into a new career, I relish the challenge that
will bring.
I also look forward to the time that I can return to COBS,
and plan to share this experience with my daughter when she
turns 14 in a couple of years. What better gift to give a
young girl facing the challenges of becoming a teenager? I
can think of no other gift that will help to build a woman
of character, integrity and strength. I can hardly wait.
- Jeri Hall, CPR819, One-week Life and Career Renewal Course
